Perspective brings it own interpretation. And I have mine. Also our perspective changes over the years and the way I looked at things as a kid and the way in which I interpreted them is different than the way I would interpret things as an adult. Knowledge, life experience, relationships, hardships, education, societal changes and a host of other things can alter our view on reality. In short, what was real as a kid has changed some over the years.
I don’t know all the specifics but I think it would be accurate to say I had no relationship with my brothers that was good. I do not remember what life was like when I was 6 or less. The years after school began is where most of my memory begins.
Robby: I was scared of him. He was mean. He did as he pleased and used fear as a manipulative technique to keep us from telling on him. That meant he could do whatever he wanted to whomever he wanted and we would be abused in some manner if we said anything to anyone. He was four or so years older than me, which is a lot for kids. He had the power and I was afraid. Fear was a foundation to all I did as a kid and adult.
Joey: He was a bruiser in his own right. He was an angry bruiser who modeled his older brother, but seemed to be a frustrated youth. He was sort of stuck in the middle with no identity, following Robby, but never able to lead. He probably tried not to get into trouble, but he was like the rest of us in that there was only one path out of childhood. He went to prison as well.
Gary: He was the most angry, arrogant and personally mean to me of the four brothers. His attitude was no surprise considering where he came from: he was born into the same family. I was not necessarily afraid of him, but I definitely did not like him. He left town as soon as he could (joined the Army) and proceeded to change his personality. Once his accent changed and got a bit of travel under his belt he would deride us for our backward, “hickish” ways. I found that humorous.
Dwayne: He was two years younger than me. He had a relationship with Gary and Joey, but not me. I’m not sure how or why that was. I think part of it was because I took a “cave” approach to childhood. I turned inward to protect myself and became very quiet, reflective and distant. I didn’t know much about Dwayne. I do remember daring him one day that he would not throw a butcher knife at me. He did and it cut my shoulder blade as it bounced off my back.