The surgery went well. In and out, a time in recovery, and one night in the hospital. We’re both glad it’s over. After the Lord “had flipped the switch” in Lucia’s heart to go forward with the surgery, we were ready to get it done.
Haydn and Ansa spent the day with us at the hospital (Tuesday). Tristen was in school all day. It was good for them to be with her so they could “enter into” their mom’s experience, as much as children can. They know she had surgery, but are not aware of the “what” or the extent of the surgery. This “cancer process” created new categories for them. We have not talked to them about the “extent” of the surgery yet. Not sure about that; it’s not a primary concern at this point, in light of so many other details that need our attention. (The primary thing is they need our love and mom needs theirs.)
Lucia and I were glad to get her home. A hospital is not a place to rest. She was “cared for” two to four times per hour, all day long. The night was similar. She was exhausted after a day of so much quality care. She slept well Tuesday night (at home), and will sleep most of today (Wednesday). The first ten days will be lots of limitations.
She said the surgery felt like she did too many push-ups on her left side, and the internal/external stitches are tight, but that is normal from what we were told. This morning (Wednesday) she was able to move her left arm more. We took her for a walk around the cul-de-sac last night. She moves at my pace now, which is nice.
She was “in faith” to move forward with the surgery (Romans 14:23), and no matter how many times I talked to her about it, she was fully confident this is the path the Lord wanted her to walk. It reminded me of the “most important question” I ask during pre-marriage counseling: Are you “in faith” to move forward? What I know is they are in love and have a “happy ever after” worldview. However, after a few months (or years) of marriage, the disappointments come. Knowing it’s God’s will before you step off the boat is huge because there is a good chance you’re going to sink afterward (Matthew 14:30-31).
…and immediately Jesus reached out His hand.
I love that part.
It’s easy to think a God-centered decision to move forward is going to end in all the ways you hoped. Not so. It’s good to know “this aspect of decision making,” especially after the first look at the post-surgery results. And just like God, there was “grace for the view.” She’s good. I’m good. In that way, it just ain’t no big deal; it is a big deal in one way, but it’s not, in an important way.
Let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. – 1 Peter 3:4
I’ve said for years that my eyes and thoughts are biased toward Lucia’s beauty. When we first met, it was all about lust, love, and hotness. (Yes, there was love in there somewhere.) But after being with her for so long, things transitioned from physicality to spirituality. Her inner beauty dominates what I see. The “Jesus in her” and His character qualities are so strong that physical love is over-shadowed. We like to use “Donne’s language” when we talk about our love:
So let us melt, and make no noise,
No tear-floods, nor sigh-tempests move;
‘Twere profanation of our joys
To tell the laity our love.
But we by a love so much refined,
That our selves know not what it is,
Inter-assured of the mind,
Care less, eyes, lips, and hands to miss.
Donne wrote about how it’s a challenge to tell others about this kind of love because “sublunary” language does not reach these heights. He went on to say that this love is so refined that eyes, lips, and hands (and breasts) are secondary considerations. So true.
Present needs are the same as past needs: prayer. We have an inner network of friends and family who have intentionally, with purpose and love, walked with us through this. Your counsel and your questions were always perfect. (Nikki, thanks for this. She had a “good cry” as we lay together last night listening to this video: Not My Will.)
She will see the doc, possibly, next Monday. There will be results from the lab work that will determine the extent of cancer and post-surgery direction. We don’t know about future choices at this point, which is fine as we rest in today’s grace while ignoring future worry (Matthew 6:34).
I have Lucia on “restriction,” which she is happy about, so there is little technology, much sleep, and “soul checks” to make sure she stays in a good place as she processes it all. Her soul is good right now. If you want to chat or ask a question, please let me know; that would be best.
Thank you for your care and prayers.